March 2, 2009
Believe it or not, I am at work today.... There was a terrible snow storm, but I got up at normal time. I got in the shower (had to have two crackers while IN the shower) but I got dressed and I'm friggin' here. I feel very hazy and foggy. I cannot concentrate on any thing fully, I just feel like I'm kind of blowing in the wind. They call this "Chemo-Brain". It is very irritating and I want to just scream to make it go away, but it won't. I do feel better today. The pain in not so bad. My stomach is jittery, but that is it. My skin feels a little numb to the touch. It feels funny.
I have also decided that I know why nobody talks about chemo treatments... It is because nobody wants to relive being in hell. Hurting that way. There are not words that can express how bad I felt. I don't want to do that again, ever. Yet in just 11 more days I have to start it all again. I am praying that maybe that port and the IV sedation made it a little too overwhelming for my system. I am praying that that is the reason I had such a bad time this go around. But I can tell you now, that the idea of being in that chair and doing it again.... Oh god, I don't want to... I am going to make it through today and tomorrow will be a little better. Baby steps right?
Oh and since it is March, McDonalds has it's Shamrock Shakes on sale and I'm going to try to talk Chris into taking me there on my way home so I can have one.... I have wanted one ALL DAY!!