Thursday, January 22, 2009

You've just been diagnosed with breast cancer, what are you going to do now???

I'm going to Disney World!!!

January 17 - 21, 2009

And that is exactly what I did!!!
Actually this trip was planned since October (way before the Alien, Bob or the Phantom reared their ugly heads). My whole family (my husband, my 13 yr old, my 3 year old, my 13 month old and me) boarded a plane on Saturday for Orlando, Florida. This was our "big" gift to the family at Christmas. It was probably a good thing that we went since I had not found any results from my MRI guided biopsy before we left.

On Monday evening, I came home for Disney World and had two messages on my phone. One from Dr. O (the Radiologist that did the biopsy) and one from Anne (from the surgeons office). Anne told me that they have all the results and had scheduled me for Thursday 8:45am (and when I called her the next day to confirm my appointment I made sure that this was not a "tentative appointment" that it was in pen) and Dr. O told me that my results showed that neither of the two biopsies came back cancerous. But I did have Lobular Neoplasia and Fibrocystic Changes. She had talked to Anne and she said that Dr. A (my surgeon) normally takes this out with a little more tissue to ensure that it wasn't cancer. My husband was relieved, parents on both our sides were relieved.... Why wasn't I relieved?

I was pissed...

Why was everyone so friggin' happy that my right breast was not cancerous? I am still going to get cut into! I am still going to have to get Chemo and/or radiation! I STILL HAVE BREAST CANCER!! My husband asked me how I was doing? How am I doing?? I am angry. I am angry that now if I chose to have a mastectomy done, I am going to have to only have one side done, and I'll be lopsided. I am angry cause I don't know what the hell "Lobular Neoplasia" is. Is it pre-cancerous? I am angry that in my mind this diminishes the fact that I still have breast cancer. I know that this doesn't sound rational, I know that I should be happy about this, I was thinking to myself, "What is wrong with me? Why aren't I happy about this? This is a good thing." But it doesn't make me feel any better. I had my head and heart ready for bilateral breast cancer, I knew that the phantom had to be breast cancer too. I really don't know how I feel about it.

On Tuesday (after another really nice day at Disney World) my midwife called me and she said that Lobular Neoplasia is used as a marker for cancer. That those who have Lobular Neoplasia are usually watched more closely because you are more prone to getting cancer. Well they don't have to watch me THAT closely, I already have cancer. She also told me that the fibrocystic changes is just a cyst and is normal. Well that part is good. I also found out that the anterior (closest to my chest) mass is the Lobular Neoplasia and the posterior one (closest to the nipple) is the cyst. Good to know.

Even through all this we really ended up having a good time. We had a great room (thank you Marriott) and the girls had a blast!! We returned home on Wednesday and I had to get ready for my appointment with the surgeon on Thursday.

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