Decisions, Decisions

I know it has been a little while since my last entry (okay so about a month) but nothing GREAT has been happening. But I wanted to give an update on what is going on so far in 2010.


I had my first MRI since my surgery last year, and it came back clear!! No sign on cancer. I have another mammogram in February. But that is great news (of course).


I have a few issues that still have not resolved from last year...


I am currently still on my anti-histamine (Xyzal) for the hives. I don't think I blogged it, but I am having an allergic reaction to one of my medications. My doctors and I have decided to stop taking the anti-depressant (that help with the hot flashes) since that was the last medication that I started taking. I have been completely off the medication since this past Saturday and (boy can my husband feel it (hahaha)) I will start tapering off the anti-histamine in February and we will see if that was the medication that was causing my hives. I googled the meds and it seems many people have issues with hives on this medication and the hives can last for MONTHS after you stop taking the medication.

I still have an AWFUL rash on my left breast and on my back right where I was radiated. My doctor says that is urticaria (a skin rash) and there is really nothing we can do other than the lotions and meds that I am currently using. But to find out that "wonderful" bit of information they had to do a biopsy on the bottom of my breast, causing my breast to swell and now I have lymphadema in my left breast (I know it just doesn't end does it?)


We are just tackling one item at a time. The hives first...


I also met with Dr. K for the last time yesterday. She is leaving the practice and I had to make the choice to follow her to George Washington University (in DC) or to stay at the practice I am at and see the other doctor. I decided that I would stay cause I know the nurses and the NPs, it is closer, they have my chart and if I follow Dr. K, I will have to drop the clinical trial I am currently on.


But wrapping everything up with Dr. K was not as easy as I had hoped. She recommends that I take an ovulation suppressant (injection) along with my Tamoxifen. She is worried that since I am having regular periods that there is some estrogen that could be feeding rogue cancer cells and thinks this would be good for me. There is no clinical results that say it help against recurrence, but there is positive results of it slowing down and stopping already metastatic cancers. You would think it would be an easy decision right, but the side effects of this medication could be severe. It would shut down my ovaries until I go into menopause myself, causing me to have all the menopause symptoms (hot-flashes, night sweats, depression, exhaustion, memory-loss and many (close your eyes mom and dad) sexual side effects as well) and along with that many people have had bone and joint pain constantly. I just don't know if I want to start this drug with so much going on already in my body and then deal with an injection every 28 days. Yes it could help (and could not) but what will the quality of my life be or my life with my family be the 5-10 years I am on it?

I have decided that I am going to wait until my next appointment (end of April) to speak to my new Dr. and she what she suggests and see if there is a way to test and see if the Tamoxifen is actually doing its job properly (if it is, than why do something else)?

We shall see, but as of right now I am doing okay, nursing a few old issues, but I am alive and have hair, and lets face it, that in itself is a good day!!

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!

This year has been a roller coaster for us, it has been one of the longest, shortest and blurriest years of my life. But in all the shock, pain, needles and tests, there were some really wonderful bright spots this year. So, in no particular order...

• Seeing my parents for roughly 3 months. Okay so it was to help my husband take care of me and my kids while I had chemo, but my children got close to there "Other" Grandma and Grandpa this year.
• Laying down with my girls and them reaching up to rub my bald head, or pulling off my scarf revealing my shiny dome and then proceeding to have it covered with their kisses.
• Having a co-worker at another site compliment me on my "fabulous" hair and me whipping it off and handing it to her and told her if she liked it she could have it (I found out at that moment she had no clue I had cancer, so I was lucky she didn't have a heart attack!)
• Having my family's pictures taken one chilly Monday morning to document how beautiful life with cancer could be (thank you Emily).
• Meeting the most brave and wonderful women I have ever had the privilege meeting in the chemo suite and continuing a friendship that helps me cope on so many levels (thank you Penny).
• The countless hours of wonderful conversations with my chemo companions during the hours of infusion.
• Having an online group of women (my Baby Mommas) that not only kept me going each week during chemo with cards, gifts, surprise visits and for them to come together with my family and friends for my first breast cancer walk. You women were so supportive and wonderful, words cannot describe how much you all mean to me and how I will never repay your kindness.
• My in-laws who offered to help if needed (and we did) and are treating us to a week of warm weather and a bikini.
• Who could forget being on the radio (98 Rock) and being given a meet and greet with New Kids On the Block. Finally meeting Jordan Knight (at one of the 3 NKOTB concerts I went to this year) Thank you SO much Meg!!
• My husband, Chris, who laid with me when I ached, when I cried, when my hair fell out, forever telling me that I was beautiful and he loved me and who promised me that I would live through it and it would make us stronger (I did and it has).
• Being able to party at my last chemo treatment and getting a tiara that I still will where today.
• Getting my first clear mammogram back after my all of my treatments and finally feeling like I could finally exhale.

Thank you all to those that have read this blog and thought of my family and me on this journey. I know that this year was rough, but I have a suspicion that next year will be great... I mean hell it couldn't get much worse right!!! Hahahaha

I always loved this quote, but it never fit as well as it does now...

"May the best of your yesterdays, be the worst of your tomorrows"

Merry Christmas and a Wonderful New Year!

Just a Rash??!!

Yup, I finally got my biopsy results in and hold on to your boots everyone... It is just a rash (brought on by what the dermatologist feels is one of my medications). He suggests just stopping it (the medication)...

That is ingenious since he doesn't know which one is causing it... Should I stop taking the drug that is stopping the cancer from coming back. Or maybe the one that helps my bones so that my cancer doesn't metastasise in my bones... Or stop taking the one that allows me to take the other ones that save my life.... Hmmm... Decisions, decisions.

Well as of right now the antihistamine that he gave me has the rash almost gone, so I will continue to take that through into the new year, and then we will experiment on my medicines. Now if anyone can just let me know what I can do about my swollen boob, I would appreciate it!!

The Frankenstein Boob (Adult Content)

I had an appointment with my Oncologist and she was very distraught about the rash on my breast and back (in the exact locations of my radiation). So she wanted my dermatologist to do a skin biopsy on my left breast to find out what it was, a reaction to one of my medications, a simple rash, psoriasis or possible a recurrence of the breast cancer in nodule form. The last one freaked me out a bit, but she said that it would be a rare occurrence so I should be too worried.

What worried me is that if I'm not suppose to get blood taken or blood pressure in my left arm, how are you doing to do a breast biopsy? Well he did and that weekend my breast swelled up!

I believe I officially have (what my sister has coined as) a Frankenstein boob! Between the scarring, the stitch (for the biopsy) and the swelling, it is not attractive.

I saw my oncologist on Monday and she said she thinks it is cellulitis (an infection of the skin) and gave me an antibiotic to take for a week and let her know if it goes down after that. If not I might have to have a breast massage??!! done. Oh that just sounds awkward....

So here is a picture of my left breast (obviously bigger than my right) I like to call it my Franken-boob.

Mommy's New Boo-Boo

Oh wow!!!

So I wanted to update you all on how my scar revision went.

It went GREAT!!!

Dr. Singh (yes I gave his last name) is great! He did have to use a lot of Lidocaine, but it was good and he was so nice and thorough. Chris was even aloud to stay in the room with me (as long as he sat down) hahaha.

Dr. Singh did 3 layers of stitches (2 for strength and a last layer for looks).

Even bruised, it looks pretty good.

I am trying to keep it covered, but I am pretty much painless and it is only 5 days later!

It went from this....

To this!! Yeah!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Wow!! Another Thanksgiving done.

After this roller coaster year that my family has had, I thought it would be good for me to include some of the things I am thankful for (in no particular order...)

• I am thankful for my health... That after this year's surgery, chemo, radiation and sickness, I am alive and (for the most part) healthy.


• I am thankful for my children who loved me when I was sick, who loved me when I was bald, and who love me all the time and call me the "BEST MOMMY EVER!!"


• I am so thankful to my husband who has taken such good care of me. Who is so wonderful with our kids and such a great father.


• I am thankful that God saw fit to only let me see my breast cancer now, so that I was able to have my children and husband that I am so thankful for.


• I am thankful to my family, who took time out of their lives this year to take care of me and my family, who put their entire lives a side to make sure that I could get through this.


• I am thankful for all my friends who prayed for us, who sent me inspirational, loving and sometimes funny cards while I struggled.


• I am thankful to my Baby Mammas who have blessed my life in so many ways and who found time during their busy lives to make sure that I know every week that I was not alone.


• And I am just so thankful to be living... To be hear for everyone that needs me.

So please look at the people in your life and give them a hug and kiss from me. Be thankful that you have this day to have with them.

Mommy's Boo-Boo

When I had my port in for my chemo, Natalie (my baby) use to rub the back of her head against it when she sat on my lap. Did it hurt? Yes!! But for some reason she would always do it. When the port was removed, I was left with a thick scar with two keloids that were bumpy. Definitely NOT attractive.

But the funny thing is now that the port is gone, Natalie will sit on my lap and pull open my shirt (just to reveal the scar) and touch it and say, "Mommy boo-boo?" "Yes, Mommy boo-boo," I would respond. Then she would do it again, and again, and again.... Needless to say, this could go on for a good half hour. But after she was done, she would put her head down on my chest, so her temple was on my scar and she would rub her head back and forth.

So what is she going to do when I get it removed?

It is the last part of the cancer that still hurts. My breast is healed, my lymph node incision is healed. Only my port scar looks unsightly and still hurts due to all the scar tissue. So tomorrow (the day before Thanksgiving) I am going to have the scar removed with a plastic surgeons. It is an outpatient procedure and it should be pretty quick. I am not looking forward to the pain of the initial lidocaine shots, but I am looking forward to not having my "boo-boo" anymore.

I wonder what Natalie will do when Mommy's boo-boo is gone? Do you think she will ever forget the scar, or look for it for years to come?