Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!

This year has been a roller coaster for us, it has been one of the longest, shortest and blurriest years of my life. But in all the shock, pain, needles and tests, there were some really wonderful bright spots this year. So, in no particular order...

• Seeing my parents for roughly 3 months. Okay so it was to help my husband take care of me and my kids while I had chemo, but my children got close to there "Other" Grandma and Grandpa this year.
• Laying down with my girls and them reaching up to rub my bald head, or pulling off my scarf revealing my shiny dome and then proceeding to have it covered with their kisses.
• Having a co-worker at another site compliment me on my "fabulous" hair and me whipping it off and handing it to her and told her if she liked it she could have it (I found out at that moment she had no clue I had cancer, so I was lucky she didn't have a heart attack!)
• Having my family's pictures taken one chilly Monday morning to document how beautiful life with cancer could be (thank you Emily).
• Meeting the most brave and wonderful women I have ever had the privilege meeting in the chemo suite and continuing a friendship that helps me cope on so many levels (thank you Penny).
• The countless hours of wonderful conversations with my chemo companions during the hours of infusion.
• Having an online group of women (my Baby Mommas) that not only kept me going each week during chemo with cards, gifts, surprise visits and for them to come together with my family and friends for my first breast cancer walk. You women were so supportive and wonderful, words cannot describe how much you all mean to me and how I will never repay your kindness.
• My in-laws who offered to help if needed (and we did) and are treating us to a week of warm weather and a bikini.
• Who could forget being on the radio (98 Rock) and being given a meet and greet with New Kids On the Block. Finally meeting Jordan Knight (at one of the 3 NKOTB concerts I went to this year) Thank you SO much Meg!!
• My husband, Chris, who laid with me when I ached, when I cried, when my hair fell out, forever telling me that I was beautiful and he loved me and who promised me that I would live through it and it would make us stronger (I did and it has).
• Being able to party at my last chemo treatment and getting a tiara that I still will where today.
• Getting my first clear mammogram back after my all of my treatments and finally feeling like I could finally exhale.

Thank you all to those that have read this blog and thought of my family and me on this journey. I know that this year was rough, but I have a suspicion that next year will be great... I mean hell it couldn't get much worse right!!! Hahahaha

I always loved this quote, but it never fit as well as it does now...

"May the best of your yesterdays, be the worst of your tomorrows"

Merry Christmas and a Wonderful New Year!

Just a Rash??!!

Yup, I finally got my biopsy results in and hold on to your boots everyone... It is just a rash (brought on by what the dermatologist feels is one of my medications). He suggests just stopping it (the medication)...

That is ingenious since he doesn't know which one is causing it... Should I stop taking the drug that is stopping the cancer from coming back. Or maybe the one that helps my bones so that my cancer doesn't metastasise in my bones... Or stop taking the one that allows me to take the other ones that save my life.... Hmmm... Decisions, decisions.

Well as of right now the antihistamine that he gave me has the rash almost gone, so I will continue to take that through into the new year, and then we will experiment on my medicines. Now if anyone can just let me know what I can do about my swollen boob, I would appreciate it!!

The Frankenstein Boob (Adult Content)

I had an appointment with my Oncologist and she was very distraught about the rash on my breast and back (in the exact locations of my radiation). So she wanted my dermatologist to do a skin biopsy on my left breast to find out what it was, a reaction to one of my medications, a simple rash, psoriasis or possible a recurrence of the breast cancer in nodule form. The last one freaked me out a bit, but she said that it would be a rare occurrence so I should be too worried.

What worried me is that if I'm not suppose to get blood taken or blood pressure in my left arm, how are you doing to do a breast biopsy? Well he did and that weekend my breast swelled up!

I believe I officially have (what my sister has coined as) a Frankenstein boob! Between the scarring, the stitch (for the biopsy) and the swelling, it is not attractive.

I saw my oncologist on Monday and she said she thinks it is cellulitis (an infection of the skin) and gave me an antibiotic to take for a week and let her know if it goes down after that. If not I might have to have a breast massage??!! done. Oh that just sounds awkward....

So here is a picture of my left breast (obviously bigger than my right) I like to call it my Franken-boob.

Mommy's New Boo-Boo

Oh wow!!!

So I wanted to update you all on how my scar revision went.

It went GREAT!!!

Dr. Singh (yes I gave his last name) is great! He did have to use a lot of Lidocaine, but it was good and he was so nice and thorough. Chris was even aloud to stay in the room with me (as long as he sat down) hahaha.

Dr. Singh did 3 layers of stitches (2 for strength and a last layer for looks).

Even bruised, it looks pretty good.

I am trying to keep it covered, but I am pretty much painless and it is only 5 days later!

It went from this....

To this!! Yeah!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Wow!! Another Thanksgiving done.

After this roller coaster year that my family has had, I thought it would be good for me to include some of the things I am thankful for (in no particular order...)

• I am thankful for my health... That after this year's surgery, chemo, radiation and sickness, I am alive and (for the most part) healthy.


• I am thankful for my children who loved me when I was sick, who loved me when I was bald, and who love me all the time and call me the "BEST MOMMY EVER!!"


• I am so thankful to my husband who has taken such good care of me. Who is so wonderful with our kids and such a great father.


• I am thankful that God saw fit to only let me see my breast cancer now, so that I was able to have my children and husband that I am so thankful for.


• I am thankful to my family, who took time out of their lives this year to take care of me and my family, who put their entire lives a side to make sure that I could get through this.


• I am thankful for all my friends who prayed for us, who sent me inspirational, loving and sometimes funny cards while I struggled.


• I am thankful to my Baby Mammas who have blessed my life in so many ways and who found time during their busy lives to make sure that I know every week that I was not alone.


• And I am just so thankful to be living... To be hear for everyone that needs me.

So please look at the people in your life and give them a hug and kiss from me. Be thankful that you have this day to have with them.

Mommy's Boo-Boo

When I had my port in for my chemo, Natalie (my baby) use to rub the back of her head against it when she sat on my lap. Did it hurt? Yes!! But for some reason she would always do it. When the port was removed, I was left with a thick scar with two keloids that were bumpy. Definitely NOT attractive.

But the funny thing is now that the port is gone, Natalie will sit on my lap and pull open my shirt (just to reveal the scar) and touch it and say, "Mommy boo-boo?" "Yes, Mommy boo-boo," I would respond. Then she would do it again, and again, and again.... Needless to say, this could go on for a good half hour. But after she was done, she would put her head down on my chest, so her temple was on my scar and she would rub her head back and forth.

So what is she going to do when I get it removed?

It is the last part of the cancer that still hurts. My breast is healed, my lymph node incision is healed. Only my port scar looks unsightly and still hurts due to all the scar tissue. So tomorrow (the day before Thanksgiving) I am going to have the scar removed with a plastic surgeons. It is an outpatient procedure and it should be pretty quick. I am not looking forward to the pain of the initial lidocaine shots, but I am looking forward to not having my "boo-boo" anymore.

I wonder what Natalie will do when Mommy's boo-boo is gone? Do you think she will ever forget the scar, or look for it for years to come?

Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure - Part 2

October 18, 2009

"Breast Cancer is rain on a winter's night; closing in and freezing hope.As Race Day approached the chill of defeat could be felt in the steady rain.Would the dark and cold extinguish the flame that is the heart of our cause?Never! Because of you!Thirty-thousand people turned dark to light, cold to warm, and rain to tears of joy.You were the miracle of the morning.We will find a cure!" -from the Susan G. Komen website.

The Survivor Parade and walk...

We woke up at 5:00 am on Sunday October 17, 2009. After taking a shower and getting ready I woke up my best friend Daniella and my two girls (who were doing just fine sleeping in their beds). I put on my pink wig and went down stairs.

Me and Daniella (Dani)

I met up with some of the girls down stairs, three Baby Mommas came with me.

Meg and Mackenzie

Diana and Delaney and Heather A. and Grant
As we (my girls, Daniella, Baby Mommas and I) were getting ready to go outside we noticed not only was it rainy, but it had snowed as well. Yes honest to goodness friggin' SNOW!!! So the 10 of us started out 5 block journey to the walk.

We got there about 6:30am and found my Mother and Father in-law (Nickie and Joe) and two family friends (Kay and her daughter Kim). I was so touched that there were so many that braved the weather to come be with me for the survivor parade. We finally got out of the rain and into the survivor tent when it was time for the survivor parade.

I got in line with my double stroller (Aubrey and Natalie were bundled up and ready to do some waving). The parade of pink (and multi-colored coats) started and my family and friends were lining down the row to see me and witness my successful journey through cancer. As I saw my family and friends cheering for me, my girls waved and smiled. For me I think I was so worried about my girls, whether they were warm enough and not hitting anyone with my stroller that I really didn't think about my past year. But I also think that it is still a little to close to the surface to open that up.

After the short parade around race village, we all got together to take a survivor picture. At this point Nickie took the stroller so I could be in the picture and I could breathe. That was when I started to cry...

After the parade, we still had about an hour before the walk started so we (my group of 10) walked back to the hotel to have some warm breakfast, warm up and meet up with my other baby mommas before started our mile family walk.

Breakfast was great and I was so glad that my family had a chance to spend some time with my Baby Mommas. Then we all bundled back up and walked back to race village to start our walk. One of my friends came earlier and actually waited an hour for us to get our butts back down to the walk so she could walk with us

(thank you so much Heather for waiting).

It was a great (and long) walk and we even got a shout out for Team LJ from the announcer while we were walking.

Natalie all tuckered out after the walk...

Through the wind, rain, and snow we walked for a cure. We walked for friendship and we walked for me, my girls and for anyone else that will get breast cancer.

Team LJ's goal was to have 10 team members and raise $1000.00, with every one's help I had 22 members on my team and we raised $2045.00.

Thank you everyone who had donated to Team LJ, and /or walked with us that wonderfully emotional, cold Sunday morning!!